Maria Knodt

I have often been told that I am too direct – and how many people have I turned off by that. At work, I didn’t get promoted, at home I was the black sheep creating problems, and boyfriends broke up with me because I challenged them to become better. But I recently realized that what others see as my weakness is actually my strength – and that I am proud for speaking up, while many others don’t dare to do so.

I am proud that I spoke up every time my father treated my mum disrespectfully – even if that didn’t cause him to stop and brought his anger onto me. I am proud that I spoke up about the unacceptable behavior of managers, organizations and clients – even if that meant I didn’t get promoted. I am proud that I spoke up about what bothered me with my ex-boyfriends and friends – even if that meant that they called me too ‘problematic’ and broke up with me. Because it was the right thing to do, and no one else did.

When you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, you have a moral obligation to do something, to say something and not be quiet.

John Lewis

So this year, I am trying to move towards being more authentically myself and saying what bothers me. Because if I feel angry, then there is a reason for it. The anger is trying to tell me something about my boundaries being crossed – about unfair treatment, systems and inexperiences of inequality, and toxic relationships. And if we are not able to express it and start to believe that we are the problem, it can transform itself into anxiety or depression. I feel like this has been happening too often in my life. I have too often kept quiet. But as my therapist told me, anger in its purest form is power. So I need to step into my power and voice it.

Therefore, I have set myself the following 5 goals:

1. Be a professional troublemaker – stand up for what I think is wrong and speak my truth in an assertive way
2. Be more vulnerable and share the things I believe others might not like or that might paint me in a bad light
3. Be more myself and less what others expect of me – don’t try to belong and fit in at the cost of losing myself
4. Set clear boundaries and hold them up
5. Don’t waste my time with people, companies, or systems that don’t fit me, that are toxic, or that don’t really care about me